I’ve always been fascinated by the question: Why do we behave the way we do? What are the underlying motivations, fears, and desires that drive our behaviour? Long before I studied psychology, I was drawn to books that tried to answer these questions. Over the years, personality tests became mirrors, helping me to understand myself, others, and even my relationships better.
The Enneagram – Understanding Core Fears and Motivations
My first real encounter with a personality system was the Enneagram, through the book The Enneagram by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert, which my parents recommended to me. I was fascinated.
The Enneagram isn’t the easiest place to start. The book even suggests that if you’re under 25, it can be hard to identify your type. Perhaps because our personality is still developing, and life experience often reveals our deeper patterns.
What I loved most about the Enneagram is how it goes beneath behaviour to explain WHY we react the way we do. Each type has a core wound, a trigger, a deep fear that shapes its motivations. It’s humbling to realise that the things that annoy us in others often reflect something within ourselves. (They say: The type you feel most judgmental toward might actually be your own)
For me, I always resonated with parts of Type 1 (the Perfectionist) and Type 5 (the Quiet Specialist). But since they are not connected with each other, I knew I am either Type 4 (the Intense Creative) or 7 (the Enthusiastic Visionary) to connect Type 1 and 5. When I read about Type 7, my first thought? “What a superficial person!” The irony, of course, is that I eventually recognised myself there too. That gave me a whole new perspective: A future-oriented dreamer, but also someone who seeks depth and understanding and who loves connecting big ideas in innovative ways.
16Personalities / MBTI
During one of my first solo trips to the US in 2013, I stumbled upon the 16Personalities test, based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).
I am an INFJ-A, the Advocate, one of the rarest types. For the first time, I felt understood. Being part of just 1.5% of the population, no wonder I’d always felt different, like I didn’t quite fit in, like others didn’t always “get” me.
The description resonated deeply: Success for me doesn’t come from money or status, but from making a meaningful difference. I’m guided by strong values, I react very strongly to injustice, and I long to help create a better world. I prefer deep conversations far more than small talk. And, true enough, I can take things very personally and sometimes forget to take care of myself.
The MBTI also offers practical insights: Strengths, weaknesses, how we behave at work, in relationships, even job suggestions.
If I could recommend just one test to someone starting their journey, it would be this one. Because it’s easy to take, clear to understand, and often the first time people feel truly seen.
Human Design – Reassurance in My Path
Later, I discovered Human Design. By then, I already knew my professional calling, but learning about my type gave me reassurance that I am on the right path.
It can guide you toward the types of work environments and roles that resonate best with your energy and skills. It also sheds light on why people act and respond differently. It can help you manage your energy more effectively by knowing how your body functions best, guiding rest, and activity. It may offer insights into your purpose or mission, aligning you with a life path that feels more fulfilling and leading to greater self-acceptance.
Human Design can feel esoteric, but for many it’s a powerful tool for aligning with how we’re wired to move through life.
The 5 Love Languages
Before committing to my partner, we shared with each other not just our Enneagram and MBTI types, but also our Love Languages. By sharing our types and love languages, we understood each other’s fears, motivations, where we might misunderstand each other, where one person’s strength might be the other’s weakness, before committing. For example, I could say: “I’m more introverted, so if I withdraw, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it’s me recharging.” These are things some couples only discover after years. By sharing up front, we fast-tracked the process.
The 5 Love Languages, developed by Gary Chapman, describe the different ways people give and receive love. Each person has one or two primary love languages that make them feel most loved and appreciated. While it’s not a scientific theory, it offers a simple and practical way to understand emotional needs in relationships. Understanding your own and your partner’s or even your friends’ love languages can deepen connection and reduce misunderstandings in relationships. We usually express love in the way we wish to receive it. For example, if my love language is physical touch and I show affection through hugging, but my partner’s love language is gift giving, my gestures might not make them feel truly loved, even though my intention is genuine.
I learned the hard way that if two people’s inner drives are too incompatible, like the importance of physical affection or the desire for personal growth, then love and shared values can’t cover all the differences. Compromise is part of every relationship, but when you start silencing your truth just to keep the peace, it’s no longer compromise. It’s self-abandonment. That’s when it becomes too much.
Figuring out what truly matters to you doesn’t come from reading books alone, but from experiencing life and reflecting on those experiences. From making choices, feeling discomfort, noticing joy, and paying attention to what moves you. For example, you might think you would be happiest living away from society, surrounded by nature and free from expectations until you experience loneliness and realise that connection matters even more than this form of freedom.
Through contrast we can discover our truth. But contrast is not the only way. Some people find deep clarity through stillness. But for most of us, life’s ups and downs, the tension between opposites, are what make our inner truth visible.
HEXACO – Beyond the Big Five
We even explored the HEXACO Personality Inventory, a scientifically validated model that expands on the Big Five by adding a sixth dimension: Honesty-Humility. It looks at six key dimensions such as Honesty-Humility, Emotionality, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, and Openness to Experience to describe stable patterns of how people think, feel, and behave.
This test can reveal a lot about real-life dynamics. Differences in traits like honesty-humility or conscientiousness, for example, can easily create friction in the future while others might beautifully balance each other out.
Colour Season Analysis
More recently, I stumbled upon Colour Season Analysis. It’s about finding the colours that make you shine. Maybe you’ve noticed that in some shades you feel more confident, or that your face seems more alive, while other colours make you look tired.
Growing up with mostly secondhand clothes and not liking to waste resources, I always felt hesitant to buy new clothes. But learning about Colour Season Analysis and feeling the difference the right colours and materials can make, shifted something in me. The fabrics we wear touch our largest organ, the skin, and that’s not without its effects. This inspired me to invest, for the first time, in high-quality natural materials like cotton, linen, and hemp.
In the process, I ended up transforming almost my entire wardrobe. Clothes really do shape how we show up in the world. For the first time, I feel that my outer appearance reflects who I am inside.
When I was travelling for years, it actually served me well that my clothes weren’t very nice. Especially in places where standing out might not have been wise. Plus, anyone who has used laundry services abroad knows the experience of getting clothes back a little faded, shrunk, or sometimes missing altogether. But now, being home more often, it feels lovely to wear what feels good, natural, and more me.
Closing Thoughts
All these tools are like mirrors reflecting different facets of who we are. Each one offers a piece of the puzzle, helping us see ourselves with more clarity and compassion. The more we understand ourselves, the more aligned our choices become in work, in love, in how we dress, and in how we live.
They are a great starting point for self-reflection and help us understand our strengths and weaknesses, our values and wounds, our ways of feeling loved. Looking honestly at ourselves takes courage and can be painful. But the more we understand ourselves and others, the more compassion we can give to others and to ourselves.
Minimalist Traveller 
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